I will live.

18Jan09

I do not understand many things. I struggle with being certain with a lot of subjects. There are so  many people with so many opinions surrounding me. I have a gist of how I feel and I don’t like how people make you feel like you are wrong. Since when did being a Christian and having a conservative outlook on life make you closed-minded? I know for a fact that I am accepting. I look at things objectively. I don’t see a gay person and think “Wow, they’re living in sin.” Just like a homosexual person doesn’t want to be oppressed neither do I. I don’t want to feel like just because my God can’t be scientifically proven that I am ignorant. I am open to different perspectives. I educate myself on different cultures and religions. I’m just struggling with accepting the fact that many people think that unless you accept “alternative lifestyles” as being “just” than I am somehow closed-minded. Seriously? I don’t feel like I should constantly have to feel on edge about the fact that I believe in Jesus. I realize that I should surround myself with people who have the same beliefs as I do but I find it hard. I like a wide range of music, fashion, books, movies, food and activities. I can’t be put into a category. I don’t WANT to be put into a category. I live my life as Ivy. Not the German, Christian, Child Development major, Spanish minor, heterosexual, Republican. Or any other “category” or “label” you can attach to me. That makes NO sense to me. I was given a free will and I am just that, FREE. It’s taken me a long time to realize that. No adjective you can come up with about yourself defines you. Most people get lost in the different labels and what each one brings with it. A way you should dress, act, talk, carry yourself, whatever. And the most annoying part of all; most people deny that they label themselves. They try to act like they are an individual. Yet the person standing next to them is dressed virtually the same as they are. I am guessing that I will never understand. Maybe I’m not suposed to. Maybe I’m simply just here to help those who want it. Because lately I’ve learned that most people don’t want help. Most people don’t want the truth. Most people don’t want to put their faith in something they can’t physically see or feel. I get it. I used to be the same way. Now I realize that God is so much more than a theory. He is EVERYTHING. The breeze, the birds in the sky, the sunshine through your window, those “AH HA!” moments. It’s such a great feeling. I wish that everyone could experience the way I feel when I wake up in the morning. I’ll be waiting for that day.

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18Jan09

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